By Nettie Owens, CPO-CD · The Sappari Group
Originally explored on Wake Up Women Leaders — Episode 27
You love what you do. You’re passionate, driven, doing good work. And you still come home feeling like a slug, with nothing left to connect with your kids, enjoy your hobbies, or even make a decent dinner decision.
In Episode 27 of Wake Up Women Leaders, Victoria Whitfield and I talked about why this happens to so many women leaders, and introduced a framework for thinking about it differently: the energy budget for women leaders.
This episode follows Episode 26, where we talked about the overwhelm of leadership itself. This week we get specific about where all that energy is actually going, and how to build an energy budget for women leaders that actually holds up, instead of running a constant deficit.
Why an Energy Budget for Women Leaders Beats a Time Management Plan
“They’re not thinking about it from an energetic standpoint,” I said about the clients I work with. “They’re thinking about it from a time management standpoint or a productivity standpoint.” Many carry shame about it too, feeling like their kids or their partner are getting shortchanged because they’ve spent everything before they even left work.
I found the budget metaphor useful because it lends a new perspective to the problem. “Energy comes in just like money comes into a bank account, and it flows out just like money flows out of a bank account,” I said. “If we can think about how we’re budgeting, how we’re allocating that energy money in our different accounts, how we’re spending it, either investing it or burning through it, then that gives us a really great framework.”
This is the core of an energy budget for women leaders. Victoria defined the term using physics. “The definition for energy is the capacity to do work,” she said. “The capacity to affect change, or the capacity to influence, would be the definition of energy.” She calls it your influence bank account. “Is it in the red? Is it in the green? Does it have regular income and input sources? Are there assets that are producing more and more energy, or is it constantly being drained and then having to suddenly be filled?”
Not All Energy Is the Same Quality
The distinction Victoria makes next matters as much as the budget metaphor itself: not all deposits into your energy budget are equal.
“Is it the kind that you just burn through quickly, because you’re kind of burning holes in your pants type of energy? Or is it sustaining? Or is it even accruing its own APY, giving you back energy the more that you go throughout the day?”
Coffee and other stimulants are the obvious example. “This is like high-interest credit cards,” I said. “These are loan sharks.” Solving problems and putting out fires works the same way. Victoria walked through the math: say you start the day with $1,000 in energy. Fixing everyone else’s problems at work can burn through $800 of it before you even clock out, leaving $200 available for another $1000 to $2,000 worth of problems waiting at home.
“That can be exciting and make you feel needed and meaningful, being the fixer,” Victoria said. “Yet women leaders were elevated to that position because we have a sense of excellence and the ability to fix things. But you also need to learn how to ask for help. That as a skill can put passive income coming into your energetic budget.”
What Actually Compounds an Energy Budget for Women Leaders
Two things came up as the real answer to running a sustainable energy budget: asking for help, and building systems.
“Asking for help is a way to compound the energy that you have,” I said. “There’s an increase in building the relationship. You literally get positive neurochemicals going through your brain working with other people. It takes some lift off of your plate and also adds to the bank account.”
Systems work the same way from a different angle. “Systems help have a low energetic cost to them,” I said. “You install the system and then the lift, the load, the work that has to be done, the energetic spend is low. You can maintain your energy level at a much better rate than if you are constantly in this putting out fires kind of a mode.”
Victoria tied it back to identity. “It’s emotionally woo at first if you have an identity of I don’t ask for help, or that is weak. But once you shift that identity, oh my gosh, it’s a pleasure. Everyone is happier when they get to contribute. That’s why we ask for people’s help, not because we’re weak, but because we’re communal.”
The Medicine Wheel: Diversifying Your Energy Budget
Victoria introduced a tool for diversifying an energy budget for women leaders the same way you’d diversify a financial portfolio: the medicine wheel, covering four areas, head, heart, body, and spirit.
“Look at how you support the 4 areas of balance in your life,” she said. “How you invest in your mental health, your head. How you invest in your emotional health, heart. Body, how you invest in your physical health. And spirit, how you invest in your spiritual health.”
The exercise is journaling, daily, about what deposits into each account and what withdraws from it. “What actions improve versus what actions withdraw from my mental bank account? What actions deposit into my emotional sense of stability, joy, confidence, versus what withdraws from it?” she asked. Same question for physical health and for spirit: “What is causing me to look at the economy, my relationship, people, like there’s no good ones left and everyone’s crazy? What is draining my spirit?”
“You are a unique person who’s going to have your own way to refill your bank account,” I added. “There are some sort of set standards that often work for most people, but most being the operative word. When you can find your own system of success, that is going to be sustainable.”
Three Things to Do This Week
- Pick one stimulant-style energy source you lean on daily (coffee, deadline pressure, firefighting) and notice how it feels two hours later. Just notice, don’t judge it yet..
- Journal the medicine wheel questions for one day: what fed and what drained your mind, heart, body, and spirit. Look for one pattern.
- Identify one task this week you’d normally handle alone, and ask someone for help with it instead. Notice what it does to your energy afterward.
What’s Coming Next
Next week’s episode moves from energy into focus, specifically who your actual market is, and why it isn’t everyone. Join us Wednesday at 3:30pm ET on LinkedIn Live and YouTube.
If you want support with your unique business or leadership position, comment CONNECT below and we’ll follow up with a three-way message on LinkedIn.
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