By Nettie Owens, CPO-CD · The Sappari Group

Originally explored on Wake Up Women Leaders — Episode 11

You know the one. You registered because the topic was genuinely interesting and you showed up ready to learn. And then somewhere around the third presenter, you realized the entire day was structured around getting you to buy something. Every session was a setup. Every speaker had an offer. By the end, the room felt suffocated — and you made a silent promise to yourself that you would never do that to your audience. Yet here you are, wondering how women leaders selling at events can do it differently — and whether there is a version of this that actually feels good for everyone in the room.

So now you do not sell at your events at all.

That is the wrong lesson to take from a bad experience. And in Episode 11 of Wake Up Women Leaders, Victoria Whitfield and I talked about exactly this — what made that event feel the way it did, why the experience is keeping women leaders from making ethical offers at their own events, and what selling at your event actually looks like when it is done well.

The Pitch Fest Problem — and What It Actually Cost You

Victoria opened our conversation with an image that I think most of us have felt: “It’s like a slime that started to creep up on your skin, a film, a putty that you just want to wash off. And you secretly promised to yourself — you will never be the grime on another person’s body if they attend your event.”

That feeling is real. And the promise that follows it is understandable. What is less visible is what that promise costs you.

My own experience came from a well-regarded women’s organization — one that many of my friends had gotten real business from. I went to their multi-day event with genuine interest. Every single session, the speaker made a pitch. Not most of them. Every one. Session after session — coaching, books, marketing offers, whatever the speaker happened to sell. And the organization itself made a pitch on top of that.

“I never want to go back to that organization. Trust in them is something I completely lost. Seeing them act so unethically was a far cry from what my friends had described. And I’ve never gone back. I have never been involved with them since then.”

That is not the outcome any event organizer is trying to produce. But it happens — often without the host even realizing it — when the agenda is built around offers rather than outcomes, when speakers are not briefed on what their role is, and when the room figures out what is happening before the value has been earned.

Victoria had a version of this experience too. A multi-day event with a big-name coach, tremendous content, genuinely life-changing information — and a pitch that was so hard, so loud, so relentless that she left the room rather than sit through it. “I know I would have bought that coach’s program if they would have presented it in a less crazy hard sell way.” She would have bought. Instead she left.

The pitch fest does real damage. It not only makes people feel used, but also talks ready buyers out of saying yes.

Why Women Leaders Stop Selling After a Bad Experience

Here is what I see consistently in the women I work with: the pitch fest experience does not just put them off attending certain events. It shapes how women leaders selling at events think about their own worth.

“I cannot tell you how many women leaders I’ve worked with who are entrepreneurs at this point who will say, I am not a salesperson — and say it in such a way that salespeople are demonized. I think it comes a lot from having experiences like a pitch fest.”

The fear is of becoming the slime. Of making people feel the way they felt in that room. So they go to the opposite extreme — they deliver everything, ask for nothing, and wonder why the people who just had a powerful experience with them end up working with someone else.

Victoria named this pattern directly: “Before we get to that level of comfort, we’ll have experiences that paint sales in a slimy, crappy light. And that’s what tends to stick with us and colors our expectation around pitching our offer or sharing our services. And all it is is offering to help solve problems for other people.”

The problem was never the selling. It was the specific, loveless, non-consensual way it was done. Those are not the same thing. And until women leaders selling at events understand that distinction clearly, they will keep swinging between two broken extremes — the pitch fest on one side, and the no-offer-at-all on the other — and leaving money and impact on the table in both directions.

The Real Problem: It Wasn’t the Offer. It Was the Setup.

The pitch fest does not feel wrong because someone made an offer. It feels wrong because no one earned the right to make one.

“The problem was never the offer itself. The presenter created the problem through the way they introduced and positioned the offer beforehand.”

Think about it in terms of any relationship. You do not skip straight to the ask. You meet the person, you build trust, you create conditions where both people are genuinely interested in moving forward — and then you ask. And at every point along the way, there is a real option to say no without anyone being harmed.

Events work the same way. The offer at the end of your event is not a trap. It is an invitation. But it only feels that way if what came before it was worth the room’s time — if people learned something real, if they felt heard, if the content actually addressed their problems rather than just setting up the close.

Victoria put it plainly: “Selling is serving. Selling is good. It is sacred and it can also be healing. We are solving problems. You do not sell unless you’re helping somebody improve their life, their business, the world, or themselves in some way, shape, and form.”

That is the frame that changes everything for women leaders selling at events. The offer is not an imposition. It is the next step for people who are ready to keep going. Withholding it does not protect your audience. It leaves the people who needed more with nowhere to go — except to the next person they encounter who is willing to ask.

What Ethical Selling at Your Event Actually Looks Like

There are three things that separate an event where selling feels natural from one that feels like a trap. These principles are simple, but they require intention.

Frame the room at the start.

Victoria described this as consent — and the word fits. Before your event begins, tell people what to expect. Not in a salesy way. Just honestly: here is what we are going to cover today, here are the objectives you will walk away with, and if at the end it makes sense to keep going together, I will share what that looks like. That is it. People now understand the information. They know an offer is coming. They can decide whether they want to stay for it. No ambush, no manipulation — just clarity.

“Setting your intention from the jump — framing the room so that they know, hey, not only are you going to get the value delivered today, but you will also have an opportunity to upgrade the amount of value you go away with.”

Deliver first. Deliver completely.

Your event should fully deliver on the objectives you promised before you ever get to the offer. I also feel strongly that you should not hold back content from your event just to sell it later at a higher price point. People can tell when you intentionally give them only half the picture.

“Your event should be complete in and of itself based on the objectives that you set. Don’t hold back something that could have been delivered in your event just so you could sell it at a higher price point later — because people are definitely going to walk away feeling lied to.”

I also recommend delivering early. Get to your most valuable content before you do anything else. If someone has to leave at the break, they should still feel like it was worth showing up. Everything after that is additional value — and it makes the offer feel like a gift rather than the whole point of the exercise.

Make the offer once, keep it aligned, and make it joyful.

The offer should be a natural next step from the work you just did together — not a pivot to something unrelated, not a retread of content you already delivered, and not a product that serves your revenue goals more than your audience’s needs. Skiing to golf clubs, as Victoria put it, is a misaligned offer. Skiing to a more advanced ski clinic is a natural next step.

And when you make it — make it well. Practice it before the event. Not in front of a mirror, but with a real person. Package it in a way that reflects the quality of what you deliver. Say it with the same energy you brought to the rest of the day.

“Allow yourself to enjoy making the offer. Make it a joyful expression of your desire to work with them. They should watch you making this offer and enjoy the experience of watching you make the offer. The whole thing should feel amazing.”

What It Costs to Not Make the Offer

There is a version of this conversation that stops at avoiding the pitch fest. But the full picture includes what happens when women leaders selling at events decide the solution is to never sell at all — and how much that decision costs them.

“If you set somebody up for that kind of success and then you don’t make an offer — either they’re going to see you as less valuable because you didn’t completely solve their problem by telling them the next step, or the first next person they run into, they buy from.”

I have lived this. You spend a day, or three days, creating something genuinely powerful for a room full of people. They leave energized. And then someone else makes them an offer first — and they take it. Not because your work was not good. Because you did not tell them what to do next.

“You didn’t make an offer that they could step into. They opened their email the next morning and what pops in is the next coach. And the next thing you hear is, oh my gosh, your presentation was so great, I signed up with Jojo. And you’re like, what just happened?”

The offer is not for you. It is for the people in the room who are ready for more and need you to open the door.

Three Things to Do Before Your Next Event

1. Identify the right next step offer. What is the most natural continuation of the work you are doing at this event? Not your highest-ticket item, not your newest launch — the thing that is the clearest next step for someone who just experienced what you delivered.
2. Build the agenda to earn the offer. Map out your content and ask honestly — by the time I get to the offer, have I delivered enough that this room trusts me? Have I addressed their actual problems? Have I given them something they can use today, regardless of whether they buy?
3. Practice making the offer out loud. Find someone and run through it before the event. Pay attention to whether you are apologizing with your body language. The offer should feel as confident and natural as the rest of your presentation.
   
   

What’s Coming Next

In Episode 12, Victoria and I are talking about the loneliness of being a woman leader. It happens to everyone. There is not one leader who goes through it unscathed. Join us Wednesday at 3:30pm ET.

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